Rickshaaaaaaa

In the first of what I hope to be an ongoing series of 'bakwaas', I'm going to talk about those black and yellow three wheelers we call auto rickshaws.

It's quite a task hailing down one of these elusive Indian 'ferraris'. But the real fun starts once you've got one after either sticking your hand out or yelling out rickshaaa or both. So, visualize the image. The rickshaw in front of you and the driver asking you where you want to go or sometimes tells you where he wants to go and if you're headed there he could drop you in return for money. Either way, if the answer is a negative, he/she just zooms away without saying a word. But if it's a yes (almost sounds like a marriage proposal) then there's a whole process to be followed. Of course, the first part is picking up the 'yes'. If you're looking closely, you will see the guy turn his head just a degree and look at the back seat from the corner of his eye. If you're not from around here (Mumbai), you might shrug it off as a nervous tic and ask him again. To which he replies, "Bola na baitho" (Told you to sit). Huh! I didn't even miss Anil Kapoor's role in MI4, how the hell did I miss that. Don't be too hard on yourself. That 'nervous tic' is really hard to spot if you're not looking for it.

Another way is to just jump in to the 'auto' and then tell him where you want to go. If he says no, sic the cops on him. Once, one rickshaw driver tried to get the moral high-ground and said, "Insaniyat bhi koi cheez hoti hai" meaning there is such a thing as humanity too. To which I replied, "Fine, take me to the main road for free. If you get a passenger along the way pick him up." The word 'Free' made him start, put the meter down and take me to my destination. Like hell, I was going to give him that moral victory. ( evil laugh).

So anyway. You're in. The most coveted seat in the world of public transport is now yours. Now all you've got to do is pray and find out what kind of driver he is. Following are the types..

1) Speedy Gonzalez

Generally a young bloke. Believes he's actually driving a sports car instead of a 'could tip over or break down any time' auto-rickshaw. Back hunched, eyes peering at the road, steering left and right finding any possible way of getting out of traffic are some of his characteristics. Continued 'sawaari' with such a driver could lead to back injuries and life threatening ones as well.

2) Slow-mo Sam

When you're running late, this is the kind of driver you don't want but inevitably end up getting. Generally a mature (Euphemism for old) person. Though his life does not, he certainly seems to have all the time in the world. Even if he wants to pick up the pace, his run-down auto doesn't allow him to. Leaving you frustrated as a bullock-cart passes by, Slow-mo Sam is quite the safest driver. Continued 'sawaari' could only lead to death by depression brought on by bouts of frustration.

3) Talking Tom

On the pretext of asking you the time, Tom spells out everything that's happening in his life. From the B.Com degree that he completed in his 'gaav', his 'good for nothing' son, 'marriageable aged daughter', the cheap-skate passenger before you to all the freaking things that happened to him in the day. Continuous 'sawaari' could lead to 'pent up aggression' resulting in lashing out at another party.

4) Spitter-splatter Shamu

Shamu could be anyone of the above three with one specific personality trait. His mouth is always red and filled with 'tambaku' or 'paan'. Considers it his civic responsibility to paint the roads red. When combined with type 3, there are chances of passengers' white shirts being painted red as well. Continued 'sawaari' could lead to 'feeling of disgust and vomiting for the faint hearted.'

Battling through the crowded streets of the city with either one of these faithful compatriots is an adventure in itself. When you alight this chariot, you realize as you do when you go to buy Gold..'Holy S***! it's expensive'. But Rs 8, Rs 9, Rs 11 or Rs 12 whatever the minimum amount, these three wheelers are very important modes of transport. If not for all, definitely for me....:)

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